ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
