dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
