It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
