White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
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