he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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