and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
