He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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