Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
