Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
