i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
