i jhust puked up my retainher.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
