so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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