listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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