I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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