I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
