cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
