easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
