i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
