your thong is hanging out like whoa
Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Randomize
