Will you blow on my dice?
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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