im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
