evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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