One girl and one boy is just not enough.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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