I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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