I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
