Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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