What did we do last night that was yellow?
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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