Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
