quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
