Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
