Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
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