You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
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