We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
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