when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
he told me I talked like a deaf person
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
