So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
