I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
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