well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
