I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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