All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
how does that bad decision feel?
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
