I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
