i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Randomize
