Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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