I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
