Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
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