thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
meet me or not, i'm out of control
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
