Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
