Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
Randomize
