By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize
