I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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