you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
