hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
