Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
