Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
he fucked my hip out of place.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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